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I'll Love Myself when...

5/12/2020

1 Comment

 
When it comes to loathing your body, less is more!
​I’ll love myself when…
I lose weight.  When I stop getting angry and being so judgmental.  When my body is perfect.  When I find the perfect job or the perfect partner or the perfect place to live. When I finally figure it all out.

And this, more recently: “I’m not getting anything done.  I thought I would use this time to get caught up on stuff at home.” “My kids aren’t doing their schoolwork; they’re falling behind.” “I’m eating crap all day long!”  “I haven’t exercised for weeks.” “I’m binge-watching tv all day!  I should be reading!”  I’m noticing how similar all of these comments’ sound.   Self-loathing and disappointment, expectations we set up for ourselves, as if we are being graded for how we are doing our own lives, as if we have some unwritten rules we have to follow.  No matter what, we can easily judge ourselves as failing on some days and struggling on others.  (Oh, yes “we’re all in this together!”  I wouldn’t want you to, but you should see my house, my lack of writing, my lack of reading.)

Can we just…NOT?  Not keep doing this to ourselves, diminishing our very being with all the judgement of every part of ourselves?

It’s very important to me to make sure that anybody reading this knows that, education and training aside, I often think I’m a mess, unfocused, not using the skills I have learned to help other people.  I will not ever offer x steps to the perfect life, the perfect workout, the perfect diet, the perfect anything. It doesn’t exist except as a concept in our own minds, and in some magazines. When I remember “there is no perfect”, I automatically take a deep breath.

I KNOW, from my own experience, that hating myself never led my body or thoughts anywhere I said I wanted to go. Hate begets hate: if I hate myself, the fat on my body, the dirt on my floor, that’s all I will see. The lens of hate makes everything bigger, uglier, darker. The energy of hate keeps life stuck in an ever-widening swirl of despair.  When I continue to “grade” myself based on how I think the outside might judge me, the spiral gains speed.  Because I have been taught, and I practice, take a breath and shift my thinking, I have a chance to stop this hate in its tracks. This sounds simple, and it can be easy if you are willing to consider that giving yourself some love doesn’t have to be hard.  As I practice this, I can smile, even laugh, at how easily I fall into self-loathing. (I’ve practiced it diligently for most of my life!). As soon as I see it, I am out of it: I can’t be in love and in hate at the same time.  When I invoke some compassion for mind, body or how I’m doing life, I cannot keep on with hate.   Love will always drive out hate, light will always overcome the dark. A deep breath can change a lot.

1 Comment
Linda Neuman
5/23/2020 03:00:55 pm

Kudos to you, Mary, for the courage to get all you've learned OUT THERE to help others. What bravery to put your thoughts on paper for all the world to see! Even as I write this "comment" I am nearly stopped by worries and self-judging. Who's going to read this? What will I say that's worth putting on paper? Geez .... I need to take a breath, as you suggest! Thanks for reminding your readers to be AWARE, in this moment, of that ingrained negativity --- and the power each of us has inside us to overcome that part of ourselves, not only for ourselves but for those around us.
In answer to your "How's it going during the pandemic ?" inquiry --- for the first time this morning I went for a wonderful little hike with someone other than Henry. My friend is a serious hiker; she and a group of her friends have hiked in the mountains EVERY week for years, even snowshoeing in the winter time. She also rides her bike across the United States. So I wondered what I should wear, and carry, and mostly I wondered whether I'd be too slow to keep up with her. And guess what? At some point, as my friend took the lead she said, "I probably walk a little slower than you do." So what was I worrying about, judging myself as inadequate? --- Nothing! And you know what? If it turned out she WAS too fast a hiker for me, I would have figured that out and enjoyed her company in other ways than hiking. This seems like a small matter (judging, once again). But being aware of my tendency to sell myself short --- even after years of knowing I can do "stuff" --- helps me be less fearful of failure. More willing to take each moment as it comes. With greater ease. And joy. Thank you for the reminder.

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    Mary is a certified Life Coach in Omaha where she enjoys reading and sharing books, taking in nature and exploring all life has to offer with her husband Kurt, and dog

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    Mary is a certified Life Coach in Omaha where she enjoys reading and sharing books, taking in nature and exploring all life has to offer with her husband Kurt, and rescue dog "Scruffy". 

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