new ways of being, thinking and doing

So, how is it going?

This is a picture out of my front window, frozen rain blurring the view.  Is everything, especially the future, out of focus?  Are your thoughts jumbled, jumpy, unclear?  Mine certainly are.  I want certainty, but as I look back at my life, was anything guaranteed to turn out exactly as I wanted it to?  Not at all.  I had a certain level of belief that my life would be okay.  And it has been. It’s been better than okay. Great. Now. In younger days, I made decisions from a place of “something is wrong with me”.  These decisions led me to a place of wanting everything to be different, to step out of where I was. The trajectory of my life changed more than once.  Looking back, the steppingstones from one place to the next look purposeful.  But they weren’t.  Because the people in my life, even those I at one time blamed for the mess I had made, supported me in veering off the traditional track I was so angry with, into new ways of being, thinking and doing. I am now so grateful for it all. I could not have designed it any better.

             “For all that has been, thanks.
              For all that shall be, I say yes.” 
                                      -Dag Hammarskjold

Notice he didn’t say, “for all that I liked, for all that was easy, thanks.”  It’s for ALL of it, even the stuff the world said was dumb, or a waste.  The Academy for Coaching Excellence used this quote, and it resonated with me because I had spent far too much time regretting how I had done things.  This made me realize that it all allowed me to be here.  Imagine my surprise while in the Psychology of Eating training hearing (paraphrasing here) “you will never move forward, in body or any aspect of life, until you accept everything in your life as perfect for you.” (This is not about abuse or trauma.) That family I thought I didn’t fit into?  We were perfect for each other; I learned a lot.  The education I never fully took advantage of?  Turned me into a lifelong learner!  Trying to figure out what was wrong with me?  Led me to wanting to support other people on their journeys AND learning and KNOWING that none of us need fixing because we aren’t broken.  I learned that, as a coach, I don’t have anyone else’s answer.  I don’t get to OR have to tell anyone what to do; all of my clients come up with their own amazing solutions.  I just ask questions and share tools that were given to me in training to support them on the path I am privileged to be on with them.

In keeping with this, I offer that we never really know what is going to happen.  We like to think we do, but life is always coming toward us full force, with its own spin on things.  In this time of ‘stay at home’, I’m trying to be okay with not knowing and letting life unfold.  I’m grateful now that all that will unfold will be its own best answer for me.  I’m choosing to focus on what is happening in this moment.  What day is it? Today.  What time is it? Now.  This time allows me to consider what is worth going back to, and if my life is aligned with my values. I learned from my mom that worrying doesn’t change what happens. What I can do and choose to be present to: be with the person I love and the sweet dog, wear my homemade mask on my limited trips to the grocery and wash my hands. I say thanks for all that is yet to be revealed. I send peace, contentment and courage to all.

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